I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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