I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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