Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
