"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
