so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
