The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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