omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Let's get the cat blown out
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
