I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize