He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
