ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
