I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
