forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
