The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
