What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
