Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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