sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
