it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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