Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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