your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
