i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
