when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
