fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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