I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
