i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
