i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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