Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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