i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
