piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
