Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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