They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
