this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
