My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
