i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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