having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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