Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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