So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
