He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wear drunk well.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
