I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
