He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
