Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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