I didn't shave. On purpose
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
