I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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