Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize