I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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