Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
