Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
