I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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