Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
