I just pynch a tree in the face
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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