My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
