Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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