i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
