Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
