i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
