I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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