It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
