So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
