OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
