CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
