So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
