Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
