i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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