Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
