but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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