Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
