Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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