im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
