i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
