no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
