It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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