Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
