Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
