guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
