Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
