I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
