I showed him my bush... on skype.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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