I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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