absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I am available for nakedness
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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