just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
