Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
