then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
