eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
