very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
