do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize