Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
