I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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