I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
