Im at strip club and am horny
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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