Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
