Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
