Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize