My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
