Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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