apparently the secret to your success is patron
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
