Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
