the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
