i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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