I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
