My Higher Power is John Stamos
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize