There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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