Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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