It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
