And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
