You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize