i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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