I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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