i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
