She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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