I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
